November 18, 2018
Today is Jayne’s birthday, she would have been 52.
Jayne was my birth mother, she passed away in 1990, when I was 5. We only spent 3 days together but I feel like she has been with me my entire life. I have recently reconnected with her (and my) family and it has been an amazing experience. Meeting and connecting with the people Jayne loved, hearing about what kind of person she was and what her life was like, has very much been an emotionally healing experience for me.
I will write a post about my journey of finding my family and the experiences I’ve had along the way in another post. Today I just want to celebrate Jayne. I’ve always talked to her in my mind, I’d created this character of who I wanted her to be. The crazy thing is that after listening to people talk about her, she actually was the person I thought she was. A free-spirit, loving, confident, creative, cool – I don’t want to talk myself up but we are very similar. One of my cousin’s said that his memory of her is burning incense – something we do every day.
I believe in synchronicity, that things happen when the time is right. Sometimes I realise it in the moment, other times I’m searching through my phone for pictures to post and I find a pic of Kora at Jayne’s grave taken exactly a year ago on her birthday, even though we didn’t know her birth date then.
(My name isn’t on her stone. It’s not something I care about but I know people will ask. It was a traumatic time for the family and was not a deliberate decision)
Two days ago my Mum (Ellen) called me and said she’d found a letter Jayne had written me, that had been missing for quite some time. I’d been feeling overwhelmed and out of balance. This letter resurfacing came at the perfect time.
The day I reconnected with my family was during a funeral. There had been quite a few deaths in the family over the last couple of years. So much sadness and trauma. I believe that I turned up at the perfect moment to help lift the spirits of everybody, and I believe that Jayne guided me to them.
Happy Birthday! You were so beautiful.
I see where Kora and I got our hair from lol
Mum, I know you’re proud of me. I know you’ve watched me struggle, and I know you have sent angels to me to guide me along the way. Ellen and Terry Wright, Tyler Bamber, Tyrone and Cassandra, Paul and Neat, Simon and Scarlett, Katherine, Kora and Wolfe, Bohdi Bailey, Caleb and Amy, Sara and Aaron, all my whanau who raised me. So many people and I’m sorry if I missed you. All these people helped me when I was at my lowest and all I wanted was to join you up there.
I don’t get those feelings anymore though Mum. We got through it. I’m excited about the future, I’m excited about the present, and I appreciate the past. Life is so good right now! Everything is happening that we planned together. Keep watching Mum, because what happens next will blow your mind!