Finding self-belief

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We have big dreams for the future. Our goal is to eventually own a farm with our friends Sara and Aaron and live sustainably while also providing high quality produce as cheaply as we can for the community. We also want to spread positivity amongst the community, and amongst as many people as we can reach. We are slowly building a tribe of like-minded individuals who all have their own dreams and we’re working together to help everybody succeed.

We have been on this journey for over a year and the pieces are finally coming together. Just Frankly, our company, has recently launched and we have completed our first market stall, as well as selling our pants and crystals online. We are currently working on sorting out the technical aspects of a video podcast in which Sara and I as well as our friend Graham, will be discussing mental health and mind-set. I also have this awesome website where I can share my thoughts, and of course we also have our social media platforms.

So far the only hindrance to process is money, but we have faith that we will get there. We are firm believers that if we do the things we love, with the people we love, the Universe will provide for us. The way forward will become apparent when the time is right.

What I am struggling with though is self-belief. When I stand back and look at the bigger picture, I can see that I have been an integral part of making the puzzle come together. I’ve built relationships, put work in, grown an audience, and brought people together. I have so much faith in these people because I see how amazing they are. Everybody in my life has this amazing light and I am in awe of them all. I don’t feel that way about myself though.

I always feel like I’m a hindrance to other people’s progress. I am the leak that will eventually sink the ship. I’m always apologising for not being good enough. I have fear about the podcast because I know Sara and Graham will be so good and I don’t want to be the one to mess it up.   I know this lack of self-belief is bullshit. I know I am capable of amazing things but the feeling of not being good enough is always there.

Graham talks about the difference between the personality and the soul. The personality is created by our reactions to the world. The traumas we live through, the things people say to us, the wins and losses we experience. My personality has a lot of negativity in it because I’ve been told a lot in my life that I’m not good enough. Every time I’d express my feelings about my dreams there were always people telling me that I was being unrealistic and that wasn’t for me. I let all this outside influence control how I felt about myself and it was not healthy for me.

The soul is who we really are. Our souls love us and believe in us. Our souls can not be affected by outside influences because when you strip back the layers of who we think we are, the soul is what lays beneath: a beautiful beam of pure light.

I believe my purpose is to help people to find that light and unlock their full potential, but first I have to do it for myself. I’m closer than I was a year ago and exponentially closer than I was 5 years ago. I believe I can get there. I believe in the process.

Once I find my self-belief, I can become a being of infinite compassion, and I am so looking forward to that. I am so grateful for the people in my life, especially Kath and my beautiful kids. I am also grateful for everything I have achieved, even without self-belief. It is time now though, time to break my chains and allow myself to be the person I know I am.

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